Quranic Foundations And Structure Of Muslim Society
(B) DUTIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER
1. Duties of the Husband Preliminary:
The Holy Qur’an stresses the extra-ordinary importance of, and hence the duty of extreme carefulness about, the relationship of marriage:
“… and be careful of your duty to Allah, through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and to the wombs. Verily Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1).
It should be noted here that in the Arabic text the word ‘womb’ has been coupled grammatically with the word ‘Allah’ in respect of the observance of carefulness in duty, thus highlighting the position of the mother and the wife in the Qur’anic teaching.
(1) Duties of Commission:
(a) Protecting and maintaining the wife stressed as an unavoidable function of the husband; hence fulfillment of this function is duty:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means …” (4:34).
(b) Treating the wife with kindness and equity enjoined:
“… and (O Believers!) live with them (i.e., the wives) on a footing of kindness and equity …” (4:19).
(c) Toleration of the faults and the shortcomings* of the wife, enjoined:
“… If you take a dislike to them (i.e., the wives), it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great good.” (4:19).
* According to Nemilov: “Anyone familiar with the physiology and biology of woman will be less annoyed and irritated at her sudden change of mood, allegedly unreasonable flares of temper, her unmotivated acts. Understanding this, man will deeply sympathize with the bearers of the egg cells who, having the same aspirations and claims upon life, are burdened with more difficult biological tasks.” (Biological Tragedy of Woman: pp. 187,188).
(d) Spiritualization of physical relation, abstaining from damaging wife’s dignity through unnatural offence, and keeping the duty of parenthood in view with due regard to wife’s health enjoined:
“Your wives are a tilth unto you (like the soil which accepts the seed and brings forth the plants). So go in unto your tilth (and not anywhere else) when and in what manner you like; but send (good deeds) before you for your souls; and fear Allah (in respect of your moral and spiritual obligations towards your wife, towards yourselves and towards the offspring that you may beget as a consequence): and know that you will (one day) meet Him. And give (O Muhammad) glad tidings to the Believers (i.e., those who, as believers in the Qur’anic Guidance, remain devoted to spiritual and moral values even in carnal pleasures).” (2:223).
A commentator of the Holy Qur’an comments on this verse thus:—
“Sex is not a thing to be ashamed of, or to be treated lightly, or to be indulged to excess. It is as solemn a fact as any in life. It is compared to a husband man’s tilth; it is a serious affair to him: he sows the seed in order to reap the harvest. But he chooses his own time and mode of cultivation. He does not sow out of season nor cultivate in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate and does not run riot. Coming from the simile to human beings, every kind of mutual consideration is required, but above all, we must remember that even in these matters there is a spiritual aspect. We must never forget our souls, and that we are responsible to God.
“It was carnal-minded men who invented the doctrine of original sin: ‘Behold’, says the Psalmist, ‘I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me’ (Psalms, 51:5). This is entirely repudiated by Islam, in which the office of father and mother is held in the highest veneration. Every child of pure love is born pure. Celibacy is not necessarily a virtue, and may be a vice.” (A. Yusuf Ali, op. cit., note 249).
(e) Concern for the welfare of the wife in all respects, specially the spiritual, stressed, and hence looking after the physical, mental, moral, spiritual and economic welfare of the wife is duty:
The Holy Qur’an has taught the prayer:
“… Our Lord! Grant to us the comfort of our eyes from our wives and our offspring, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” (25:74).
Moreover, the Muslim husbands and fathers have been entrusted with the following duty:
“O you who believe! protect yourselves and your wives and children from a (spiritual) Fire …” (66:6).
While expounding the teaching contained in these verses with respect to “duties”, in the section on “Duties to the Offspring”, we have already seen that these verses relate to the duty of ensuring the physical, mental, moral, spiritual and economic welfare.
(2) Duty of Omission:
There are several duties of omission which are directly and indirectly contained in the foregoing as well as the forthcoming discussions relating to the “Position of Woman” and the “Husband Wife relation.” One specific duty, which is not contained there, may, however, be mentioned here.
Accusing the wife falsely, or without proper evidence, has been regarded as a heinous crime; hence to abstain from it is duty*: The Holy Qur’an says:
“And those who accuse clean women (of unchastity) and then produce not four (eye-) witnesses, scourge them with eighty stripes and accept not their testimony for ever. And these! they are the transgressors.” (24:4)**
* It is also a duty of all men towards all women.
** The procedure of law in case of accusation of the wife by the husband of adultery, has been mentioned in the verses that follow. We shall deal with it when discussing punishments.
2. DUTIES OF THE WIFE Of Commission and Omission:
(a) Submissiveness to the husband as the head of the family—not in servile manner but with the spirit of dignified maintenance of harmony;
(b) guarding the conjugal rights of the husband through abstaining from doing anything that may, in the least measure, violate her chastity;
(c) protecting the prestige and the property of her husband:
The above three virtues form the unavoidable functions of the righteous wife, according to the Holy Qur’an; and hence constitute the basic duties of the wife.
The Holy Qur’an says:
“… So the righteous women are obedient (to God and submissive to their husbands), and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard (i.e., their chastity and the prestige and property of the husband) …” (4:34).
(C) LAWS RELATING TO ABNORMAL SITUATIONS AND THE RESPECTIVE DUTIES:
1. Efforts of the husband, in case of wife’s refractoriness and fear of desertion, to bring her to the path of rectitude:
“… As to those (wives) on whose part you fear rebellion and desertion admonish them (first); (in case that does not reform their conduct) banish them to beds apart; (lastly, if they still prove to be incorrigible, you are permitted to) beat them (with a tooth-brush or something like it, in order to awaken in them the sentiment of self-respect and the consciousness of the seriousness of their guilt in itself and in respect of its consequences for the family-life, and in a manner which causes no injury or pain to them). Then if they obey you (by returning to the path of rectitude), seek not a way (of harassment or illtreatment) against them. Verily, Allah is Most High, Great (wherefore it does not behove you to tyrannize over your wives).” (4:34).
This verse speaks of serious breach in loyalty to the marital bond on the part of the wife. Now, there can be three ways: (1) to divorce the wife off-hand; (2) to take the matter to a court of law; (3) to deal with it at personal level. The Holy Qur’an prefers the last, and that for obvious reasons. The first is an extreme measure, and its consequences may be very damaging for the wife or for the family as a whole. The second alternative is scandalous and means ‘washing dirty linen’ in public. It invites accusations and counter-accusations, and it is specially damaging for the wife. It is the third alternative only, the one prescribed by the Holy Qur’an, which is the best in the interest of the wife and of public morality.
In connection with beating the rebellious wife, there are certain important facts which should be borne in mind:
Firstly, to resort to it as a last remedy has been merely permitted, and not made obligatory.
Secondly, although permitted in theory, it has been positively discouraged in practice, as, for instance, the Holy Prophet (Peace be on him), who alone has the original right to interpret the teachings of the Qur’an and whose interpretation alone can be absolutely correct, says:
“You will not find these men (who beat their wives) as the good ones among you.” (Abu Da’ud: Sunan, vol. 1, p. 292; etc.)
Again: “No one should ever beat his wife with a whip like a slave (who was beaten with the whip by non-Muslim masters).” (Bukhari: Sahih, vol. 2, p. 784.)
Still again: “The best of you is he who is best to his wife.” (Ibn Majah: Sunan; Bab Husn ma‘ashrat al-Nisa, p. 142.)
Thirdly, it has been made absolutely clear by the Holy Prophet (Peace be on him) that the beating should be of a symbolic or nominal type. It should be “striking without injury or pain,”* and it should be “with a tooth-brush or something like it.”**
* Ibn Majah: Sunan, p. 133. Muslim: Sahih, vol. 1, p. 291
** See Tabari’s Tafsir, vol. 5 , p. 41, Egyptian edition.
Fourthly, the function of the Holy Qur’an is to provide guidance to human beings belonging to all stages of social evolution. Consequently, this remedy, while it may be unthinkable in respect of people belonging to the higher stages of social evolution, may yet form the only proper and ‘natural’ corrective instrument in the case of those who stand at the lower ladders of social and psychological refinement. In fact, it has not only formed a vital part of marital life but has been regarded as a positive contribution to marital success among many a community of the world, who have believed in the eminent philosopher Nietzsche’s verdict: “When you go to a woman forget not your whip.” And the testimony in this behalf is irrefutable.
Krafft-Ebing says: “Among peoples of a lower class of culture the subjection of woman is extended even to brutality. This flagrant proof of dependence is felt by woman even with sexual pleasure and accepted as a token of love.” (Psychopathia Sexualis, p. 211).
“Among the Slavs of the lower class the wives feel hurt if they are not beaten by their husbands; the peasant women in some parts of Hungary do not think they are loved by their husbands until they have received the first box on the ear; among the Italian community a wife, if not beaten by her husband, regards him as a fool.” (Encyclopaedia of Religion and Ethics, VIII, p. 156).
“The Englishman’s privilege of beating his wife with a stick not thicker than his thumb has become rather favorite.” (Ludovici: Woman, p. 13).
According to the school of thought founded by Freud, the scientist, the father of Psychoanalysis, and the idol of the rebels against religion: “Helene Dentach has elaborated Freud’s assumption and generalized it in calling masochism the elemental power in feminine mental life. She contends that what woman ultimately wants in intercourse is to be raped and violated, what she wants in mental life is to be humiliated: menstruation is significant to woman because it feeds masochistic fantasies: childbirth represents the climax of masochistic satisfaction.” (Horney: New Ways in Psychoanalysis, p. 110).
2. Procedure in case of serious disagreement and conflict between the husband and the wife:
(1) Effort at reconciliation through arbitration by a Family Council composed of one representative from each side,* enjoined:
“And if you (O Muslims) fear a breach between them twain (i.e., the husband and the wife), appoint two arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers (—the two knowing the mentalities, the faults and the merits of both—); then if the two (arbiters) wish for rectification (i.e., strive for reconciliation earnestly and justly), Allah shall bring about harmony between the twain: For Allah has full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.” (4:35).
* Mark the healthy nature of this prescription, wherein scandal as well as clever manipulations of the law have been avoided and the sanctity of the husband-wife relation has been fully maintained.
(2) (a) While lending its weight to the sanctity of the marriage relation, the Holy Qur’an gives due consideration to the weaknesses and aberrations of human nature. Therefore, it allows divorce as a necessary evil, when that becomes the only remedy for rectifying a situation of irreconcilable incompatibility.
(b) In allowing the divorce, however, the Holy Qur’an prescribes a procedure which aims at eliminating the evils of idiosyncrasy and availing every possible opportunity and means for reconciliation before the final rupture,—the procedure consisting in abstention from pronouncing divorce during the menstrual period, which is the period of least mutual husband-wife attraction, and pronouncing it in three stages at intervals of one month each, thereby preventing hasty step and providing the parties repeated opportunity for cool deliberation.
(c) Though pronouncement of divorce has been placed in the hands of the husband, the wife has also been given the right to sue for, and obtain, divorce.
(d) In case of divorce, again, the Holy Qur’an emphasizes with full force the safeguarding of the welfare of the wife and treatment of the wife with generosity.
(e) The Qur’anic teaching is also emphatic in safeguarding the welfare of the unborn child, if that may be the case.
(f) When the marriage tie has been finally dissolved, the husband is not permitted to take back his wife, until she has married someone else sincerely and has thereafter become a widow or a divorcee. This injunction is meant to check husbands from making fun of marriage, which is a serious affair according to the Holy Qur’an.
(g) A period of waiting, or probation, has been prescribed for the divorced women as a healthy gap in their sexual life, and for saving them from taking any hasty step in connection with their next marriage (which is necessary after the emotional disturbance caused by the shock of divorce), and for safeguarding the interests of the unborn child, if any.
(h) Cessation of relations with the wife without freeing her from the marriage-tie has been prohibited.
The following verses of the Holy Qur’an contain injunctions in respect of the above:
“O Prophet! When you (the Muslims) do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately) their prescribed periods; and fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness; those are the limits set by Allah: and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul: you know not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.
“Thus when they fulfill their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out.
“And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose.
Verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.
“Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if you have any doubt, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): For those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens : and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy.
“That is the Command of Allah, which He has sent down to you : and if anyone fears Allah, He will remove his ills from him and will enlarge his reward.
“Let the women live (in ‘Iddah), in the same style as you live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden : and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: And take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable, And if you find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father’s) behalf.
“Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief.” (65:1-7).
“Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah has created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted, Wise.
“A divorce is only permissible twice: After that, the parties should either hold together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If you (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).
“So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), he cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand.
“When you divorce women, and they fulfill their term, either take them back on equitable terms or set them free with kindness; but do not take them back to injure them, or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah’s Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse Allah’s favors on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and the Wisdom for your instruction. And fear Allah, and know that Allah is well-acquainted with all things.
“When you divorce women, and they fulfill their term, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course making for) most virtue and purity amongst you. And Allah knows, and you know not.” (2:228-232).
“For divorced women maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.” (2:241).
“There is no blame on you if you divorce women before consummation or the fixation of their dower; but bestow on them (a suitable gift), the wealthy according to his means, and the poor according to his means;—a gift of a reasonable amount is due from those who wish to do the right thing.
“And if you divorce them before consummation, but after the fixation of a dower for them, then the half of the dower (is due to them), unless they remit it or the man’s half is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man’s half) is nearest to righteousness. And do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that you do.” (2:236-237).
“But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit back: would you take it by slander and a manifest wrong?
“And how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken (from you) a solemn covenant?” (4:20-21).
“If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. And if you do good and practise self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do.
“Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a friendly understanding and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
“If they disagree (and must part), Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: For Allah cares for all and is Wise.” (4:128-130).
The Holy Prophet’s exposition of the Qur’anic standpoint: “Of all things permitted by law, divorce is the most hateful in the sight of God.” (Abu Da’ud: Sunan, 13:3).
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to be continued . . . . .
Quranic Foundation & Structure Of Muslim Society In The End Times
